Do you really want to know how I am?

"How are you?" is a commonly used greeting, but normally spoken with no particular interest in an answer. When I ask, "how are you?" often I'm around the corner and out of earshot by the time they say, "fine" or "I'm not feeling so well."

No one I know actually listened to this greeting except maybe Mr. Garvey. It was 1949 when Mr. Garvey moved into our apartment building. He walked with a cane and was a veteran of the World War I. He would sit outside the building every day except if it was raining.

Whenever I saw Mr. Garvey, I would always say, "How are you, sir?" He would think for a minute and gruffly reply, "Be clear." He would hold onto his cane with both hands, lean forward and look me in the eye.

"Do you want to know how I am physically? Or mentally? Which one? Or emotionally? Be clear. Why do you want to know?"

After that neither of us would say anything more. I would stand there politely until enough time had passed where I could leave and not hurt his feelings. Even today whenever anyone brushes past me and says, "How are you," I think of Mr. Garvey.

Have you ever heard someone combine two greetings into one? I was in Harris-Teeter the other day when I overheard one woman say to another woman, "How are you? You're looking good." I knew she wasn't talking to me because at my age no one ever says "you're looking good." If they did, they would have to be kidding, and this woman did not look like a kidder.

Anyway, I was glad she wasn't talking to me because two greetings at once is an awful lot to process. Besides all the possibilities involved with "how are you," I'd have to deal with "you're looking good." Looking good? Compared to what? Compared to how I looked in 1957? I turned 16 in 1957 and immediately, if not sooner, took the test to get my driver's license. That very same evening my uncle gave me his 1946 Chevy Fleetline, which hadn't run for almost two years but still had one good tire.

My girlfriend, who was 15, took a picture of me behind the wheel, making a muscle with my left arm, which unfortunately was not as big as my right arm. But it didn't matter. I had a car. And a girlfriend. Back then if someone would have walked by and said "Hey, you're looking good," I would have known exactly what they meant. The next time anyone says to me, "you're looking good," I'm going to tell them that there is no comparison to how Ilooked in 1957.

Also, in 1957 a wave in the air used to be a greeting - today I'm not so sure, but that's a story for another time.

"Good Morning" is another greeting that is used a lot, but I've never quite understood exactly what it is about that particular morning that is supposed to be so good. Could it be the weather that we are talking about? That could be confusing in itself. If I like it sunny but you like it when it rains, would I say "good morning" to you if it was dry as a bone outside? Maybe the speaker of the greeting is just informing me that he himself has had a good morning and is quite pleased with that fact. But, on the other hand, it could just be a simple wish that I have a good morning, despite what my morning has been like so far. Then again, it could be a command that says you don't have a choice in the matter; you will have a good morning, like it or not.

Anyway, when I see you next time I'll probably say "Hi" and you'll never know what I meant.

Larry Schramm is a freelance columnist living in Wilmington.